{"id":7246,"date":"2018-03-21T04:04:00","date_gmt":"2018-03-21T04:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/arliemediadesign.com\/?p=7246"},"modified":"2025-03-12T04:11:25","modified_gmt":"2025-03-12T04:11:25","slug":"how-ive-learned-to-deal-with-anger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.happy.co.uk\/blogs\/how-ive-learned-to-deal-with-anger\/","title":{"rendered":"How I\u2019ve Learned to Deal With Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Nevertheless, \u201cDo unto others\u2026\u201d has often been helpful when working through personal conflicts or moral dilemmas \u2013 for example, in my dealings with anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Growing up, a few people close to me were particularly prone to angry outbursts. What triggered the anger wasn\u2019t always obvious and sometimes the content of the aggression didn\u2019t seem to have that much to do with me. But these sorts of observations were never very comforting in the heat of the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not many of us are able to be blas\u00e9 in the face of anger, especially if the angry person is someone we see all the time or whose respect we hold dear. Throughout childhood and adolescence, I usually handled the frequent run-ins with anger by making myself small and sheepish \u2013 crying, apologising and hoping for the quickest path to resolution. Then, once the emotional tornado calmed down, I\u2019d never mention it again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It doesn\u2019t take a psychologist to realise this isn\u2019t the healthiest response to anger, but I doubt things would have turned out much better had I instead fought fire with fire \u2013 and being attacked certainly incited feelings of annoyance, displeasure and hostility in me (which, according the Oxford Dictionary, are the three core elements of anger).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, knowing that suppression commonly leads to deeper psychic unrest, I began to think about more effective ways of dealing with anger \u2013 responses that might provide more than a temporary fix and perhaps even allow for stronger emotional bonds between myself and those close to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People get angry for a variety of reasons. A loss of control is one; general dissatisfaction another; and then there\u2019s feelings of injustice and betrayal. When someone\u2019s angry the last thing they\u2019ll want to be told is that they are, in fact, angry, especially when anger stems from loss of control or general unhappiness. It tends to be about as effective as putting out a fire with a can of petrol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anger quickly generates confusion, but I\u2019ve learned to stay patient and try to figure out what\u2019s provoking the anger, and also to refrain from assuming myself innocent (even in situations that are utterly perplexing).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes the cause is obvious \u2013 you just knocked over someone\u2019s entire iced vanilla caramel coffee \u2013 but if not, rather than speculating, just ask why they\u2019re angry. It\u2019s not easy and you can\u2019t predict the reaction you\u2019ll get, but I\u2019ve found asking someone why they\u2019re angry to be a whole lot more constructive than simply saying, \u201cUhh\u2026 you\u2019re getting really angry right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The resolution won\u2019t necessarily arrive in that same interaction \u2013 heck it could take years! \u2013 but if you have a firm idea of the source of anger, then you can bring it up in discussion at a later date when the emotions have relaxed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I\u2019m in the wrong, I\u2019ll look for a better comeback than simply grovelling. This means giving some concrete indication of how I am going to help fix things (another delicious blended ice coffee, perhaps?). If I\u2019m still convinced of my blamelessness, then I try to express the full extent of how the anger has impacted me. This is especially significant \u2013 don\u2019t bury the truth; it will probably just make you more vulnerable to attack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not like I never get angry, either, although it\u2019s usually expressed in the form of insidious passive aggression. And in these situations I try to remember to remember to do unto others as I\u2019d have them do to me. Namely to listen their concerns, to consider what\u2019s causing the emotions I\u2019m acting on, and to engage in honest discussion \u2013 if not straight away, then once I have got a better read on my feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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