{"id":7112,"date":"2017-05-30T13:12:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-30T13:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/arliemediadesign.com\/?p=7112"},"modified":"2025-03-15T13:09:04","modified_gmt":"2025-03-15T13:09:04","slug":"book-report-if-youre-so-smart-why-arent-you-happy-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.happy.co.uk\/blogs\/book-report-if-youre-so-smart-why-arent-you-happy-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Book Report: “If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Happy?” Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Happiness sin #4: Being overly controlling<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Raghunathan concedes that randomness and unpredictability are unavoidable elements of life, making it essential that we learn to live with and accept uncertainty. However, because of looming unpredictability, we feel urged to arrange our lives in a way that limits feelings of powerlessness. There\u2019s nothing wrong with organisation, but trying to entirely eliminate uncertainty will lead to rife dissatisfaction when things go awry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Happiness habit #4: Gaining internal control<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Raghunathan emphasises the need to take responsibility for our happiness, which means not blaming external events or other people when things take an unexpected turn. Doing so necessitates taking ownership of the content of our thoughts and thereby gaining firmer control of our feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He names \u201csituation selection\u201d and \u201cemotion labelling\u201d as key habits that\u2019ll bring us closer to internal control. Situation selection means limiting exposure to situations that are known to evoke unwanted emotions. Naming emotions as you feel them (for example \u2018angry\u2019, \u2018frustrated\u2019, \u2018let down\u2019) sounds basic, but it\u2019s reported to significantly lower the intensity of the feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gaining internal control isn\u2019t simply achieved \u2013 don\u2019t abandon hope just because you\u2019re unable to immediately cheer yourself up after losing your purse \u2013 but gradually building up self-confidence and emotional understanding will prove greatly beneficial in the long run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Happiness sin #5: Distrusting others<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It can feel as though we live in a society built on suspicion. Reality TV, for example, often portrays contestants as conniving backstabbers who\u2019ll do whatever necessary to be crowned the best strudel chef in all of West Dorset. Meanwhile, the flagrant corruption of global leaders doesn\u2019t instil a great deal of faith in humans\u2019 essential trustworthiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Happiness habit #5: Smart trust<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Honesty is a most noble and laudable characteristic, but it doesn\u2019t always prevail. What Raghunathan underlines, however, is that people are far more trustworthy than many of us recognise. He endorses \u201csmart trust\u201d as an effective way of generating mutual trust, which will lead to more significant interpersonal communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s important not to dwell on occasions when we were ripped off or left in the lurch. Instead, direct your attention towards times when your trust has been positively rewarded and use this as motivation to place trust in others more frequently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Raghunathan insists that proactively trusting other people \u2013 i.e. assuming they\u2019re trustworthy from the outset \u2013 will in turn engender a greater level of trustworthiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Sin #6: Passionate pursuit of passion<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The passionate pursuit of passion causes us to label successful outcomes as \u201cgood\u201d and off-target outcomes as \u201cbad\u201d. However, we can never sculpt the outcomes that affect us \u2013 be it via our jobs, artistic endeavours, football teams or otherwise \u2013 exactly to our liking. The more complex the situation, the less control we have, and fervent fixation on goal attainment inevitably leads to hollow disappointment when the projected outcome doesn\u2019t transpire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Happiness habit #6: Dispassionate pursuit of passion<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Identifying how time has altered our feelings towards negative experiences will help to initiate a dispassionate pursuit of passion. Raghunathan asks the reader to think of a significant negative event from the past and note down the negativity felt at the time. Next, he asks the reader to compare their former feeling with how they feel about the event now. Chances are the feeling has not only become less negative, but meaning has also since been ascribed to the event.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fierce determination to achieve any specified outcome \u2013 best flower display in Waltham Forest; enduring marital harmony beyond the wedding day \u2013 leaves us ill-equipped to deal with less than ideal results. A dispassionate pursuit, meanwhile, transfers the focus from the outcome to the process. It\u2019s about knowing full well you\u2019ve put in the required effort to achieve your ideal outcome, but not becoming disconsolate when it doesn\u2019t work out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Happiness sin #7: Mind addiction<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

From a young age we\u2019re taught that, when it comes to making important decisions, rationality and sober deliberation trumps gut instinct and emotion. While this is certainly true in some cases, Raghunathan believes the customary loyalty to rationality means our decision-making can be detached from happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After all, our feelings and emotions aren\u2019t entirely unintelligent \u2013 they form an integral part of who we are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Happiness habit #7: Mindfulness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Mindfulness sharpens our ability to pay attention to stimulus as well as what\u2019s happening inside our body and mind. Getting there requires discipline and persistence, but as long as you\u2019re regularly letting your attention zero in on something (focusing on your breath is seen as the best entry point), then you\u2019re making progress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mindfulness is difficult to swiftly summarise, but in the long-term, it improves self-understanding by providing the means to observe the complexity within and not judging it or reflexively suppressing \u201cunsavoury\u201d thoughts and feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Raghunathan\u2019s profound conclusion is that tenacious mindfulness practice \u2013 supplemented by the six other habits of the highly happy \u2013 vindicates the notion that happiness is our natural state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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